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The role in rejector
 February 09 2024 at 11:26 pm
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I recently came across an impressive YouTube short by a woman named Billie Rae Brandt. In this short, she explains a recent reaction to a man who approached her in a coffee shop. In the video, she claims she is in a committed relationship, but instead of expressing immediate rejection in this interaction, she decides to entertain the conversation. She was eventually able to allude to the fact that she lived with her boyfriend nearby. She understood that the man likely took interest in her romantically, but she didn’t necessarily let her assumption stop the conversation from taking place. Maybe he wasn’t even interested in her that way. We women certainly have the ability to misinterpret “the approach.” My husband, who is much more extroverted than I am, was surprised by how many women used to take his kindness as “interest.” Matt Walsh often talks about this in relation to women at the gym. These women dress half-naked, put up a tripod, and start posing. The next day, they post a video on Tik Tok about the “creepy guy” staring at them while lifting weights. You see “creepy guy” in the background, trying to figure out why in the hell he’s being secretly videotaped during his work-out. Anyway, let’s assume the approach assumption is accurate. It takes a lot of courage for a man to approach a woman, and she didn’t want her reaction to potentially stop him from approaching other women in the future. I think this attitude is rather empathetic. It’s easy to take attention for granted when “taken” or “single,” and handle the role as “rejector” very poorly. It’s also easy when “single” to only decline theoretically, but subsequently succeed in practice by “ghosting” men. Words should, ideally, match actions. Women seem to have a role to play in our current culture. We must strive to handle the role of “rejector” more gracefully. We may be a bit rude or aloof out of discomfort when approached, but that’s not a good enough excuse for blatant disrespect. What about choosing to, instead, inspire men? We generally know that women begin the mating process with a higher value while men must achieve this “value.” I’m not sure who I can attribute this to, for so many people have acknowledged it, especially recently. Value may be defined here as mating desirability. Unfortunately, an attractive woman, especially before twenty-six, sees her value as forever. She can’t see clearly through all of the male attention, and, especially in adolescence, I’m not sure her brain is yet wired to process the bigger picture. Imagine this female matches with every single man she finds attractive and worthwhile on a dating application. Her entire pool is already “high value man.” A little bit of narcissism, unfortunately, is kind of inevitable in these younger and underdeveloped years. It’s a false and fleeting sense of superiority, but it exists, even in the most well-meaning beautiful women. Andrew Tate describes this well. I think it’s also important to note that beautiful women are sort of divided, if I’m describing this correctly, in the male psyche. This is quite obvious, in practice. There’s one category or image, the “wholesome” woman. The girl-next-door.She’s innocent. She’s “pure.” She’s “homegrown.” These “homegrown” women have it all, at least, the high-value long-term mating prospects. Men look at these women and can only see marriage. These women can “do no wrong,” even if they mess up a few times. Most men will overlook a few bad decisions, as long as it’s not the general pattern. Women who fall into the temptation of chronic promiscuity and attention-seeking are a whole different species to men. I believe these two categorizations have everything to do with how women present themselves. This includes aesthetically, in vocal tone, language utilized, and in body language, even if they aren’t conscious of it. These are all forms of flirting, even if they aren’t yet directed towards anyone. Based on my observations, promiscuous women tend to flirt without much selection or discrimination. The “wholesome” category of women tend to stay true to one partner or “choice.” They can go back-and-forth between “promiscuous” and “wholesome” but “promiscuous” is reserved for her husband alone. It’s important to realize that women, more often than not, are pretty much wired for monogamy, however, this is unfortunately also paired with hypergamy, or a proclivity to “upgrade.” I’m not sure that this should scare men, necessarily. It could serve as a motivator to continuously strengthen the marital bond. Shared faith is another even more important variable, this is something Ben Shapiro notes in one of his videos. Theoretically, women who are in open relationships or polyamorous, are likely searching for the “upgrade,” and will voluntarily switch back to monogamy once satisfied. More promiscuous women ultimately despise men, it’s very sad. Just take a look at the poetry written by Megan Fox. Women like this get bitter with age. Some promiscuous women are able to still settle down after their reckless endeavors, but their partner is typically of lower quality. Their behaviors aren’t accepted by sophisticated men. The term, “hitting the wall,” works well to describe what happens with aging promiscuous women. If “wholesome” women already have partners, those “hitting the wall” are what’s leftover. It’s insidious for them, and it’s not difficult to theorize the “why.” My theory is that, when you’re aging, as a woman, attention from men actually increases for a bit. When you’re younger, you’re not an “option” for half of the population. They don’t approach you. However, as you approach middle age, virtually any man will see you as a potential partner. Poetry excerpt by Megan FoxWomen struggle with grasping this, as it blurs self-perceived value. I assume that approaching perimenopause/menopause, you kind of experience the other side of the bell curve.” If women aren’t careful, they can unintentionally and chronically overestimate their “value” as they age until it is too late. I don’t find it shocking “why” women take “the approach” for granted. However, it doesn’t mean it’s the right attitude. Men aren’t approaching women nearly as much as they used to. They are absolutely terrified. This is terrible, really. This realistically poses a threat to humanity as we know it if this fails to occur. We have the Pornography-Addicted Incels and the OnlyFans Models, two extremes that equally “bite the hand that feeds them,” if you will. Learning to embrace male attention, and expressing gratitude for the courage in the “approach” is something we can work on, culturally. This excludes the predatorial types, obviously. This is gratitude for the average Joe. A sort of thanks, even if it’s actually, “no thanks.” Encouraging predatorial males, on the other hand, is counterproductive, if not dangerous. If there are signs of this sort of behavior, I think it’s best for the female to bring a strong male into the environment, whether it’s her father, husband, or even brother. This should solve the problem quickly, especially if they are somewhat intimidating. I watched a recent video where a child predator discusses who he targets. He targets single moms and their children. He will also target children who don’t have strong male figures. I think this target population could also be relevant to women of all ages. I’m almost positive that Louise Perry and Jordan Peterson discuss this in an interview, but I didn’t exactly grasp the big picture. I think Jordan Peterson stated something a bit controversial, like preventing rape is partially the responsibility of the men in the family or the husband. I think he’s accurate, even if it’s controversial. This is very obvious if you watch enough true crime. My college best friend, back in October, invited me to a girls night out for some live music and dancing. We usually hang out with our kids together, but she had an itch to get out there and reminisce our geeky “wild” college days (we met in Organic Chemistry). We used to “joke,” even before Tik Tok discovered this, in order to get guys, “look scared, lost, or confused” in an environment. This wasn’t supposed to be manipulative, we just realized we’d always end up meeting guys this way. During girls night out, my friend had a bit of an attention-seeking urge. So I joked, “look scared!” Sure enough, as the bar filled up, we had some men approach us. This was easy to buffer (we are all married), until we decided to sit down and get some food. I wasn’t drinking, but my friend and her high school friend were, and they began to drunkenly rant. I spaced out. Suddenly, a man sat in the chair next to me (at our table). He asked if he could sit there (there were no open tables) and I agreed. I realized immediately that he was likely romantically interested because of a stutter in his voice, and I almost shut down. “Here we go again,” I thought. How dare a man want to talk to me! (lol) However, instead of snubbing him this time, I decided to go ahead and entertain the conversation. My husband was picking me up in only half-an-hour, and having a more sober conversation than my friends were having was actually quite appealing. “You look confused,” he said, or something similar. I chuckled and nodded. How ironic. We began to talk and he offered me a drink. I declined and told him my husband was picking me up shortly. Instead of leaving, he stayed and continued to talk to me. Even though his intentions may have been “the approach,” our conversation was meaningful. He told me he wants to find a wife and have children, that the bar scene wasn’t for him. That women were seeking the much more casual rather than a committed relationship. He was frustrated with the current dating scene and he just wanted to meet someone. My ranting friends eventually caught on to our conversation and began to interject, just as my husband showed up. Apparently, they even talked to him for a little bit after I left! I said goodbye and left feeling much better than I would have if I had snubbed him and wallowed in my own discomfort and awkwardness with rejection. It was rewarding, and I’m slowly changing my approach in these situations. Billie Rae Brandt was absolutely correct in her YouTube short. This is what we can do, as married or single women. We must handle the men who approach us with much more caution and grace. We should express our gratitude and appreciation for, truly, the utmost compliment. In this, we help men AND women in courting or dating. When we advocate for men, we protect femininity. For if men are the pursuers and often experience rejection, a meaningful conversation is much more encouraging than a scowl and the cold shoulder.